Is blood really thicker than water?

So awhile ago I blogged about my family. I don't believe I mentioned exactly why I'm so passionate about my family. My real father disowned me. That's basically the jist of it. There was no good reason, in fact I did nothing wrong. He cheated on my mother for the entire 15 year marriage they had, and my mom finally called it quits. I always hated him, he treated me like shit, but I chalked it up to kids hate their dads. He's a very controlling man, and once word came out that he cheated on my mom, any power he had over me went flying out the window. For the first time I could stand up to him, because I knew what a piece of shit he was. Well to make a long story short, he basically told his entire side of the family that if anyone had any contact with me or my mother he wouldn't allow them to see my lil brother or sister. It worked. Now I don't 100% blame him, I blame that family just as much. Because honestly, who would really just stop talking to an innocent 15 year old. Cut to 10 years later, I haven't had any contact with any of the adults. Nor has a single one tried, including my grandparents. You are probably saying to yourself, damn this girl must have really done something to have all those people stop talking to her. I am being honest that I did nothing. My step father, whom I refer to as my dad, thought the same thing when he first started dating my mother. He thought we were just angry bitches, mad about him cheating. After getting to see first hand how he treated me, or lack there of, he quickly realized it wasn't just us being angry bitches. He now can't even mention my biological father without ending up upset and swearing. I find it cute. I'm sick and twisted what can I say. I always wanted to be a daddy's girl and now I am. So in the past year or so, I've had every single cousin find me on facebook or myspace. Its weird to me, because I was the oldest in that family, by many years, so thinking that they would remember me just blows my mind. I recently, a few days ago and today, had the last two find me on facebook. They are brother and sister, and the last time I saw them they were a baby and about 4 years old. There is no way on earth they remember me. The youngest posted on my wall saying that of course she remembers me her dad talks about me all the time. Now I have no problem with the kids talking about me, they were innocent in all of this, its hard to defy your parents, this I know, but god it makes me so mad hearing that the adults are talking about me. It infuriates me. I don't want them talking bad about me because they don't know what I had to go through. And I don't want them talking good about me because they treated me like I didn't exist, they don't get the privilege to say nice things about me. If they are going to act like I don't exist for 10 years then god dammit don't speak about me to anyone. I'm entitled to hating the adults. They should know better. They should know not to treat a 15 year old like she is an awful human being. I never want anything to do with them ever again. I have a family and they will never be a part of it. But as for my cousins, its so hard to let them be a part of my life, since they are mostly still in high school and younger, and can't visit without parental knowledge. But they don't deserve me to shut them out either. The older of the two ,was im'ing me today about his father. (His father is also a piece of shit, beyond me just hating him). The poor kid is going through something similar that I did. His dad emotionally abused him, is what he told me, and he doesn't live with him anymore. It just broke my heart. Here I am getting a little creeped out that this cousin whom I haven't seen or spoken to in 10 years is obsessively talking to me, and then find out he's just reaching out to someone to talk to them. Someone that can understand what its like to be apart of that family. And having a kid who is going into high school this year, tell me that when he has kids he doesn't want to be anything like his dad, and that we have to work hard to make sure our children aren't put into the same cycle.... he wise beyond his years. It makes me wonder that as I grow, am I going to become in touch with that side of the family again? I never will see the adults, but the cousins. I never dreamed that I would have 2 sides of my own family, not for the past 10 years. But its like a glimmer of hope. Family means so much to me. And to have joint custody of my cousins would be amazing. So is blood really thicker than water? Will I always have a connection with that side of my blood, even though I've tried so hard to not think of them? I guess time will tell.


Hopeful.